Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Devious Plots

Dekalb County Library System's Secret Plan to cover the budget shortfall:


  1. Lull library patrons into complacency by faithfully emailing a notice a few days before books are due.
  2. Continue do be prompt and faithful in number 1 even while your hold system somehow magically lets people cut in line, making patrons grouchy.
  3. Gradually start missing emails or sending them late (ie: sending an email that an item on hold has arrived after half of the time the library is willing to hold the item for you has already elapsed.)
  4. When patrons ask about such glitches, switch them over to phone notifications.
  5. Make sure the phone notifications are an utter failure.
  6. When patrons ask about such glitches, tell them they probably just haven't been getting emails due to spam filters. Switch them back to email.
  7. Send a few emails to re-lull them into complacency about checking when their own books are due. (Which is obviously their responsibility, only why would they do that if they think they're going to get an email about it?)
  8. When they again notice some emails aren't coming through respond with same spam filter excuse.
  9. After patrons have accrued an acceptable amount of library fines, you can let them in on the secret that the library knew the email system hadn't been working for weeks.
  10. Just to rub salt in the library fine wound, have the library's automated phone system give patrons a call that they have 4 overdue items. 4 days after those items have been returned to the library.

Anybody have an address in Gwinett county they want to lend me?

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